What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 04:36
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So, i spoilt her more .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why do British people always write "xxx" after their names?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I've never read the book. What did Dorian Grey do that was so immoral and sinful?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do Democrats never produce a good argument for why Trump was a bad president?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What was Easter day like for you as a child?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Can a Trump supporter explain what was wrong with what Bishop Budde said to Donald Trump?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was in good health!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
What do you think about me (Aditya Krishna)?
She loved him until the end.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She found it foreign!.
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One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I don,t even have a pension.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But, we were locked up after school.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
How do I deal with autistic burnout/meltdown/shutdown when cooking?
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He knew the spot.
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was 9 years of age.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
This is soul school!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was very sick at this time too.
My life is so biszare .
We were not on the streets..
Ive learnt so much.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When she asked me how she looked .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was seconnd youngest,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She married twice! .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
All the time i was locked up.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One cannot live in the past .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We all went to grammer schools
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I never cut or harmed myself..
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I have no regrets .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it wasn’t much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Would this be the day?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I waited trembling.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was scared of men, in general
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I will be 64.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im still living with it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Comes on , in middle age.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Put me off passion for life!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She wouldn,t have been !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.